How your childhood affects your parenting

"Co-regulation"—it’s the process of helping your child borrow your nervous system to move from dysregulation to regulation. While the concept seems simple, it can be challenging when your child’s emotions or behaviors trigger strong feelings in you.

One way to make co-regulation easier is to reflect on your own childhood experiences. Ask yourself: How did my caregivers respond when I expressed similar emotions or behaviors? For example, if your child’s crying feels overwhelming, think about how your caregivers responded to your tears. Were they calm and supportive, or did they react with anger, anxiety, or indifference? These early experiences can shape how you handle your child’s emotions today, often without you realizing it.

If certain behaviors trigger you, it might be because you weren’t fully "allowed" to express those emotions as a child. Reflect on how you would have liked your caregivers to respond when you were upset—what would have helped you feel safe, seen, and understood? This exercise can provide a helpful roadmap for how to respond to your child in moments of dysregulation.

Co-regulation is a process, and it’s okay to give yourself grace as you learn and grow. If this resonates with you, I highly recommend The Power of Showing Up by Dan Siegel, M.D., and Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D. It’s an excellent resource for exploring how your past influences your parenting.

Remember, parenting doesn’t have to be a solo journey. If you’d like additional support or guidance, we’re here to help—just reach out to us.

Ashley Sutherland, MA, LCSW & Certified Synergetic Play Therapist